Numb. That’s exactly how I felt.
My life wasn’t falling apart, but my health started failing me. My marriage wasn’t on the rocks, but the smallest inconveniences had me anxiously questioning everything. My situation wasn’t hopeless, but the thoughts in my mind told me otherwise.
Not again.
Why am I here again?
Why am I so sad when I have so much to be thankful for?
Can you relate? Have you ever experienced anything like this before?
Well, I have.
And it got to a point where the voices in my head were so loud that the simplest of tasks felt like climbing Mount Everest.
How did I get there?
Well, let me tell you.
I forgot how alert the devil is to our weaknesses. The Bible says that the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). He’s constantly looking for opportunities to exploit our weaknesses and tempt us to stumble. Once he finds an opening, like a predator in pursuit, he never misses the opportunity to strike a wounded target.
I get overwhelmed quite easily. Usually because I struggle to juggle multiple things at once, yet my mind constantly jumps from task to task. Even when I don’t want to I find myself spinning a number of plates with both hands and feet.
I also struggle to deal with failure and disappointment.
That was the crack he exploited.
As I juggled my plates, one by one they started to fall. Cracks began to form. They were small. Tiny, in fact.
My health didn’t suddenly fail, I caught a cough that lasted far longer than I’d hoped.
Smash
That meant isolating from the people I loved, which made me feel increasingly alone.
Smash
At the same time, my responsibilities didn’t disappear. Being unwell made them harder to carry, so I worked harder. I slept less. I left myself exhausted.
Smash.
There goes another plate. Before I knew it, the floor was covered in broken pieces.
The devil didn’t need one devastating blow. Little by little, the weight became overwhelming.
The enemy broke me through the little things. Soon, every plate was shattered, and I was too exhausted to pick up the pieces. Even when I tried, the broken shards only cut my hands, leaving me bleeding from wounds I created.
Now what?
Now where do I go?
I knew I needed to run to Jesus. The only One who could make me whole, and restores what was broken.
Fear held me back.
I’m a mess. I’m bleeding, broken, and bruised. I don’t want Him to see me like this. He can’t see me like this.
Yet another lie from the devil trying to keep me down. God doesn’t shy away from broken things and God is not afraid of our mess.
Im grateful for the people God has placed around me, because God used my husband to nudge me to take a walk outside.
And it was there that Jesus met me once again.
On that walk that He reminded me of His promises. He let me pour out my heart and cry until I could no longer see. I didn’t even have to speak out loud. Whatever I surrendered, He heard.
It was on that walk that I felt the Lord impress something on my heart.
“Laura, you’re not the only one to feel this way. You have to share it. Share your story. I know you’re going to write about it. But this is more than words. Design that T-shirt. Here’s what I want you to do.”
God gave me the idea for a T-shirt inspired by all those band T-shirts you see at concerts. You know the ones with a logo on the front and all the tour dates listed on the back.
But this time, it wasn’t tour dates that were needed.
It was promises.
Because the only thing that can cut through lies is truth (John 8:32).
In moments of panic and spiralling, God’s promises don’t naturally fill my mind. The noise of lies is simply too loud.
So I felt Him prompting me: “Write them down. So if you ever need to remember My words, I’ve put them right there on a T-shirt.”
Earlier in this blog post, I mentioned how the devil looks for opportunities to tempt us and strike where we’re weakest.
Well, God knows us infinitely better.
He knows us completely. But instead of using that knowledge against us, He uses it to restore us, guide us and strengthen us. Where we are weak, He is strong (2 Corinthians 12:9). He doesn’t expose our weaknesses instead He meets us in them with His grace.
God met me on an ordinary walk and through the idea of a simple T-shirt.
So don’t underestimate the unexpected ways He can remind you of His promises, draw near to you and strengthen you when you need Him most.
