I can honestly say that 2019 was not one of my favourite years. It was hard, possibly the hardest year of my life so far, so when I realised how close 2020 really was, I was rejoicing!
New year came, I had the greatest of celebrations surrounded by people I love and I purposed in my heart that this year would be different.
New year, new mindset!
And then it hit me, the most unexpected challenge. I wasn't ready, I wasn't even close to being ready!
Admitting my mistakes
Mistake #1
I freaked out! It was like everything I'd told myself flew out the window. I forgot the new mindset and I just stared at my phone in complete and utter confusion.
Mistake #2
I started overthinking instead of over praying. I think I need to design a t-shirt that says 'Pray before you overthink' and wear it every day.
Mistake #3
I allowed satan to feed me lies. Do you know that lies can only manifest if you allow them to. Ultimately you're the one in control of your thoughts. God has given us that power but we don't always tap into it
What God said back to me
First of all, the devil is a liar, I repeat the devil is a LIAR!
I was drawn to the Psalms, Psalm 139 to be exact and this is what it says:
O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it.
Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,” Even the night shall be light about me; Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You.
Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God! Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men. For they speak against You wickedly; Your enemies take Your name in vain.
Do I not hate them, O Lord, who hate You? And do I not loathe those who rise up against You? I hate them with perfect hatred; I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.
- Psalm 139
God uses His Word to comfort us in our time of distress and He certainly used this portion of Scripture to remind me of who He is to me.
At my lowest: God is my hope; At my darkest: God is my light; At my weakest: God is my strength; At my saddest: God is my comforter.
I don't know why I thought that 2020 was going to be easy, it's like I forgot the year is actually a continuation from the previous. I thought all my troubles and obstacles were already over (yes, it sounds stupid now!).
In the midst of my confusion, my doubt and my anxiety, God actually gave me something to say. So I wrote a message back to Him.
What I said back to God
There is not one thing You don't know about me. If I move, You see, every thought You understand, wherever I go, whatever I do You're already one step ahead of me, protecting me, shielding me.
There's nowhere I can go that You won't find me and there is not one place You cannot reach me. Your love extends beyond what I can see and You reach out your right hand just to hold me.
You promise me that the darkness won't consume me.
You created me. For these things, I am grateful.
Even before anyone knew of my existence, You knew, You saw, You were right there. When You look at me, You see a sinner saved by grace, You truly love me. You think great and mighty things about me and You have the brightest of futures laid out for me.
My enemies don't scare You God.
Lord, look inside me, remove the doubts, the lies, the fears and please cleanse me from sin. Lead me in Your righteous way.
I've never leaked my prayers our journal entries before, but hey, new year, new mindset, new plans? I hope someone is encouraged. As you navigate through 2020, let God's Word guide you, comfort you and sustain you.
What Bible verse(s) do you turn to when you're feeling lost, alone or broken?
Share your favourite Bible promises comments below.